OCONEE CO., GA (WIS) - - If you haven't started freaking out about the Aug. 21 total solar eclipse, then you should be, according to the sarcasm-laced Facebook post from the Oconee County (GA) Sheriff's Office.
The post begins with Sheriff Scott Berry warning residents of "celestial forces no one understands" blocking the glorious rays of the sun. This cataclysmic event is set to take place when your kids are hopping off their school buses.
"It is very likely this is the end of life on this planet as we know it," Berry wrote.
"Don't look at the eclipse, unless of course, you live in the backwoods of Tennessee. In that case, no one will hear you scream as you stumble blindly into a moonshine still or a bear trap," the post goes on to say. "Millions of Americans are blinded every week by staring directly into the sun, eclipse or not. Don't do it."
And, in perhaps the most sarcastic statement, Sheriff Derry pokes some pun at expectant moms. "Pregnant women should smoke and drink liquor during the eclipse," we wrote. "This will prevent radioactive waves from making your ankles swell and being grouchy most of the time."
The sheriff's beef against those occupying space in the backwoods of Tennessee is unclear, but given their proximity to the University of Georgia, that might be your sign.
This isn't the office's first foray into social media snark: their Facebook cover photo details the difference between Oconee County, GA and Oconee County, SC, which is an understandable problem to have.
Thank you for the laughs, Sheriff Berry!