GA sheriff's Facebook post: 'Pregnant women should smoke and dri - wistv.com - Columbia, South Carolina

GA sheriff's Facebook post: 'Pregnant women should smoke and drink liquor' during eclipse

The post begins with Sheriff Scott Berry warning residents of "celestial forces no one understands" blocking the glorious rays of the sun. (Source: Oconee County, GA Sheriff's Office Facebook page) The post begins with Sheriff Scott Berry warning residents of "celestial forces no one understands" blocking the glorious rays of the sun. (Source: Oconee County, GA Sheriff's Office Facebook page)
OCONEE CO., GA (WIS) - -

If you haven't started freaking out about the Aug. 21 total solar eclipse, then you should be, according to the sarcasm-laced Facebook post from the Oconee County (GA) Sheriff's Office. 

The post begins with Sheriff Scott Berry warning residents of "celestial forces no one understands" blocking the glorious rays of the sun. This cataclysmic event is set to take place when your kids are hopping off their school buses. 

"It is very likely this is the end of life on this planet as we know it," Berry wrote.

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"Don't look at the eclipse, unless of course, you live in the backwoods of Tennessee. In that case, no one will hear you scream as you stumble blindly into a moonshine still or a bear trap," the post goes on to say. "Millions of Americans are blinded every week by staring directly into the sun, eclipse or not. Don't do it."

And, in perhaps the most sarcastic statement, Sheriff Derry pokes some pun at expectant moms. "Pregnant women should smoke and drink liquor during the eclipse," we wrote. "This will prevent radioactive waves from making your ankles swell and being grouchy most of the time."

MORE: NASA issues warning: You may have a bad pair of eclipse glasses

The sheriff's beef against those occupying space in the backwoods of Tennessee is unclear, but given their proximity to the University of Georgia, that might be your sign. 

Here's the post in full: 

Sheriff Scott Berry announces that on Monday, August 21, at about the time your kids are riding home from school on the bus that there will be a solar eclipse of the sun as celestial forces no one understands will blot out the sun. It is very likely this is the end of life on this planet as we know it.

As your Sheriff I expect each of you to begin panicking today. There is no need to wait til Sunday night to buy bread and milk. The shelves will be empty already as vast hordes descend on grocery stores. If you wait, the only thing left will be potted meat and knock off brand cereal with such names as "RaisinO's" and "CheeriBran"

Don't look at the eclipse, unless of course you live in the backwoods of Tennessee. In that case no one will hear you scream as you stumble blindly into a moonshine still or a bear trap. Millions of Americans are blinded every week by staring directly into the sun, eclipse or not. Don't do it.

Your sunglasses will not protect you from certain death if you look at the sun. However, for a mere $29.99 (plus $9.00 shipping and handling) you can order "stare directly at the sun wearing these" glasses from NASA and the Home Shopping Network.

Pregnant women should smoke and drink liquor during the eclipse. This will prevent radioactive waves from making your ankles swell and being grouchy most of the time. Meanwhile, your other children will be on the school bus wondering why it got dark so early. An afternoon snack of potted meat will encourage then to ignore the end of the world as we know it.

Leading scientists tell us that post eclipse the only two things they expect to survive are cockroaches and Facebook. Wait, is that one thing or two things????

This isn't the office's first foray into social media snark: their Facebook cover photo details the difference between Oconee County, GA and Oconee County, SC, which is an understandable problem to have. 

Thank you for the laughs, Sheriff Berry!

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